porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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