Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
