Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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