Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
