I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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