I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
