no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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