You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
found the other keg... it's in the tree
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
