i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
