I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
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