im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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