Why does Corona taste like a burp?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
