Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
