i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
