I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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