we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
