When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
not ubering you a puppy
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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