hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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