so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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