jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
