ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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