I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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