if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
birth control should be required to get into college
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
