He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
