I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
We left an ass print on the piano.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
