Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
