Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
