When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
