My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You made out with two different species that night
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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