Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
