So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
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