Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
