why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
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He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize