Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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