but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
