i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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