you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
