hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
