party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Life is so much better after having sex.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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