glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
you never un-have a 4some
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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