Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
