i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
