Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
