Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
How does one acquire holy water?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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