And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
