I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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