Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
