I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
