1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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