Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
