The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize