I think I died a long time ago.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
