why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
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