You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
