Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
