I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
i need some magic done to my vagina
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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