I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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