Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
