The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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