Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
