am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
