Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
