Cold hands, warm shart.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Randomize
