bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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