I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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