u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
