My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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